Even Odder:  The Second OmKimbus
by SHADO Commander
Summary: More questionable judgement as a certain globe trotting redhead has odd adventures that would never make it to The D Channel.  Two new tales DATA STORAGE and WAKE UP CALL join the already demented collection for a whopping total of 16 Kimified goodness.
1. All That Glitters

**INTRODUCTION: **

Welcome to the Second Volume of my **OmKimbus of Odd Possibilities**, the place where I put a lot of the random stuff my brain spews out.

Wait, you say, why a second volume? After all, it's not like you're going to run out of digital pages, right? So why start a new one, you ask?

Well, as it turns out, there's this magic word 'complete' that affects how a lot of people search for titles on FFN, and after talking to a number of people who said they're far more inclined to start reading a long story if it's got that little 'c' next to it on the mobile version or the more complete 'complete' if you're on the main site. Given that the first OmKimbus was originally intended to go on forever, that would make those folks less and less likely to give it a chance as it got longer and longer, so I decided to try a quick experiment and added the word "Complete" to OmKimbus Prime when it reached 10 stories, just to see what would happen. Result: over a thousand hits within a few hours.

Sooooo, based on that not particularly scientific experiment, each volume of the OmKimbus will now run 10-ish chapters. And believe me, I've already got enough stuff to fill a few more of them with a little clean up work. Also, there were a couple of stories that in the first volume that were obviously the starts of longer tales that some folks have asked about seeing continued. I'm not adverse to that, but given my current backlog, the one thing that will influence that happening is if people review the chapter and say that specifically. That goes for the stories in OmKimbus Prime or anything else I post as well. I ain't psychic folks, and while story alerts are great, favs and especially reviews give me a lot more idea as to what you really want.

And all that said, here's the first story:

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**ALL THAT GLITTERS**

By SHADO Commander

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She could hear the sound of the party down the hall, now in full swing. In forty minutes the ball would fall on the TV and it would be another new year. Everyone would count down the last few seconds, cheer and then… well, they'd do what everyone with a date did on new years.

Not that Kim Possible would know.

The lanky redhead listened to the sounds of the party, then stared at her own empty eyes in the mirror. Maybe it was a stupid thing to be depressed over, but it bothered her. Of all the girls in her dorm, she was the only one who didn't have a date for the New Year's Eve party. No one had even asked.

No one ever asked.

With a grimace of pain, Kim pulled her burned and tattered shirt over her head, then kicked off the cargo pants she'd gone back to wearing and gave herself a long once over in the mirror. She wasn't vain, but she knew she had an attractive face. As for her body… well...

It wasn't a BAD body, she thought analytically. Fit, certainly. A bit boyish, maybe, if she was completely honest with herself, and the less said about her breasts (or lack thereof) the better. But she had nice hair, her stomach was flat, and her legs were…

Okay, they were a little on the muscular side, and the truth was, she had better biceps than most of the guys she knew. But the girls in the school's athletic programs seemed to have no trouble getting dates.

No, the problem was the bruises. Currently her ribcage was stained with a half-dozen yellow-purplish splotches and there were at least that many on her back, courtesy of her last go-round with Shego; a little tussle that had also given her the bruise on her chin and the still-healing split lip. At least she didn't have a black eye, like she'd had right before homecoming in High School, or the stitches along her jaw line that she'd had for the Junior Prom, but she was usually sporting a bandage or some other evidence of recent medical treatment. What guy with any degree of sanity would want to get involved with someone who looked like every part of her body had been pounded with a meat tenderizer?

Which, of course, essentially it had. A living green meat hammer who went by the name of Shego. They'd been going at it for nearly five years now, Kim constantly stepping up her game and Shego matching it. And in the process, Kim had saved the world six times in the last year. Had rescued more people than any three metropolitan fire departments put together. And what did she have to show for it?

Bruises, scars and an x-ray profile that made Evil Knieval look like a pantywaist.

And within a few days, Shego would have escaped from the 'maximum security' facility yet again, or Monkey Fist or Duff Killigan or one of a dozen other supervillain idiots would attack someplace with yet another super weapon and she'd be tossed in like a grenade. She'd get the job done. She ALWAYS got the job done.

But the truth was, secretly, she was scared. Not of the dangers. Not of the disasters. And certainly not Shego.

No, what scared her was the idea that this might be ALL her life would ever be. Would it really be enough for her?

Ron had already made his choice when he'd taken up Bueno Nacho's offer to send him to culinary school in preparation for becoming one of the chains executive chefs… unlike Middleton High, the prestigious _Prestigieuse Ecole__Culinaire__Du Pantalon__De Fantaisie__e_ didn't allow students to run off in the middle of class, even if it was to save the world. They'd tried to keep their relationship going, of course, but given that she missed better than half of the meetings they were supposed to have, they had both seen the handwriting on the wall and agreed to 'just stay friends,' at least until they'd both finished school.

He'd found someone about a year later. Another culinary student, of course. Kim hadn't met her yet. She hadn't had the time. She never had the time. And on the rare occasions when she did… like now… who was even going to be interested in… well, someone like her? Someone who came with so little to offer to one person because they were too busy trying to help everyone. Someone who could never be sexy unless you were into women who looked like they had been beaten, which was so not the kind of person that Kim was looking for.

There must be an out. A way to dig herself out of this rut. Something that would challenge her physically while re-making herself… not just in the public eye, but in her own mind.

And then it hit her. Crossing to the huge stack of "to Be Answered" mail that had piled up over the last few days, she dug to the bottom and found the envelope she'd remembered.

This would be crazy, and she knew it… but if she took one semester off, she could JUST work it in, and there was no doubt that it had worked for others in a similar situation before.

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"Dad! Dad!" Jim screamed! "Something happened to Mom!"

"What?" James Possible raced into the living room to find Jim and Tim urgently fanning their mom as she lay groggily on the couch.

"Honey?" James spoke worriedly, pushing his sons aside as he took his wife's trembling hand. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Looking at her husband with stunned eyes, Anne felt herself recovering from the fainting spell. She wasn't sure she could speak yet, but fortunately, she didn't need to say much… simply pointing a trembling finger at the television set she had been watching before IT had happened and uttering a single word would suffice.

"Kim…"

James gasped as well as he saw what his wife had seen on the screen. Obviously the mute button had been engaged when Anne had collapsed, but sound was unnecessary. Even the twe… the boys, were shocked into silence at the sight. They were used to their sister turning up in odd places, but THIS?

And yet there she was, standing together with M.C. Honey and… was that Timothy "The Fearless Ferret' North? And a dozen other EXTREMELY familiar, if not quite instantly recognizable, faces. Along with the caption:

CAST FOR THE 20th SEASON OF **DANCING WITH THE STARS** ANNOUNCED!

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_AN: The Dancing with the Stars thing actually came up in an entirely different story I did in a challenge for NoDrogs at the Haven, but that version would have had Kim going undercover as a dancer. After thinking about it a while, I decided to try reversing it, which makes for a funnier one shot, I think. However, if I ever expand on the story, I'll probably go back to the other version, hence the choice of this one for the OmKimbus. Legal Stuff:_ _Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Shego, Jim and Time Possible, James and Anne Possible, Monkey Fist, M.C. Honey, Duff Killigan and Timothy North are the creation of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and her name is a trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Dancing with the Stars based on the BBC series Strictly Come Dancing, created by Fenia Vardanis and property of the BBC. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, for these prudish, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…._


	2. Golden Opportunity

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**A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY**

By SHADO Commander

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_'Why,'_ Kim Possible wondered as she trudged towards the door, a damp towel wrapped around her shivering frame, _'Do people only show up unannounced at my house when I'm half naked?' _

That wasn't exactly true, maybe, but she'd noticed that it had been happening more often lately than not. Of course, that may have had something to do with the fact that her clothes usually hit the laundry basket when she came in from a mission and didn't go back on again until she was ready to leave. This wasn't because she was a nudist or anything like that… she just really hated doing laundry and sitting around the house in her underwear was her way of putting minimal wear on her remaining stock of clean outerwear.

Okay, with that all in mind, maybe it _wasn't_ so odd that she was usually half naked, but this time she'd actually been in the shower, which inevitably meant someone so desperate to talk to her that they'd keep pounding until she finally showed up.

"Hold your horses, I'm coming!" Kim yelled, opening the door to find a wizened but improbably tall Asian monk. Or he could have been selling insurance, but the shaved head, long white Manchu mustache and collection of scrolls under his left arm made Kim suspect that her first assumption was correct. Though the fact that he was at least eight foot tall made professional basketball player another possibility.

_'Most likely a quest,'_ She sighed to herself. Those always went on a little longer than she'd really like and she always ran out of clean underwear. _'What is it with me and this fixation with laundry, lately, anyway?'_

"May I help you?" is what she said out loud.

"KIMBERLY ANN POSSIBLE," the Monk spoke in all capitals, "YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FROM AMONGST ALL OTHERS FOR THE UNIQUE COMBINATION OF TALENTS WHICH YOU, ALONE, POSSESS!"

"Whoa," Kim winced, wishing she could cover her ears. Unfortunately, to do so would have meant letting go of her towel and exposing the Monk to something that he might have to flagellate himself for seeing and/or thinking about. "Could you watch the volume? I use these ears for something besides holding up my sunglasses."

"SORRY! I Mean sorry," the Monk blushed. "I just broke a vow of silence this morning and I haven't quite got the hang of this speaking thing yet."

"Right," Kim nodded. "So look… I'm half naked and dripping wet, so why don't you come in and wait in the kitchen while I see if I can find something to wear. Then you can tell me all about it."

"RIG.. right," The Monk agreed cheerfully. "Do you have a toaster? I've always wanted to see one of those."

"Shiny thing with two slots on top," Kim replied, pointing towards the kitchen. "Can't miss it."

"Groovy," the Monk grinned, exiting in the indicated direction.

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Minutes later, now wearing a pair of lime green shorts with purple polka dots, an orange muscle shirt with the logo 'Honorary Graduate, Phoenix University,' emblazoned across the chest in magenta and a pair of yellow flip flops, Kim walked into the kitchen to find the Monk repeatedly opening and closing her waffle iron on his own hand while making sounds like the trash compactor on the Death Star.

"Oh… uh…" He blushed.

"Done it myself a few times," Kim admitted. "Now tell me what this task you have in mind is, and why I'm the one who has to do it?"

"Well…, The Monk began, "To address the latter first, the Brotherhood has asked around, and one of the schools with which we share a mutual frequent astral-travelers' club affiliation recommended you most highly."

"Yamanouichi," Kim stated. She should have known. Sensei was notorious for giving her name out for everything. "Look, not to say I'm not honored, but I'm sure that there are a lot of people out there who can do the same things that I can do and…"

"Not," The Monk interrupted, "Who are also skilled at Babysitting."

"Huh? Kim did a double take. "What was that?"

"The Brotherhood requires a babysitter," the Monk repeated. "Tell me, Miss Possible… have you ever heard of The Golden Child?"

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_AN: Yeah, kind of a hanger there, and I do know where the story would go (Hint: the previous babysitters were Ron and Yori, now missing,) but I figured it wouldn't hurt to float the balloon here and see if anyone still remembers that flick. Anyhoo… LEGAL SCHTUFF: __Kim Possible is the creation of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and her name is a trademarks of the Disney media organizations. The Golden Child is the creation of Denis Feldman and the property of Paramount Pictures. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, for these prudish, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…._


	3. Twelve Angry Kims

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**Twelve Angry Kims **

(Being a Dirty Dozen Really, Really REALLY Short (And Occasionally Raunchy) Short Shorts by **SHADO Commander**)

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"You know, Princess," Shego groaned, "The NEXT time a genie suddenly grants you a wish…"

"I know, I know! Another exclamation of pleasure BESIDES 'Spanking!' would have been a better choice." Kim admitted as they slowly hobbled home.

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Beaten and bloody, Mr. Barkin groaned as he picked himself up from the gutter where he'd just been thrown for the third time. "Why do you give everyone else from the school a meal on the house and you won't even let me in the door!"

In answer, Big Mike the Bouncer simply pointed to the eloquent lettering beneath the legend _Chez Stoppable_ on the front window of the most popular restaurant in town. _"Chef Ron uses only the finest ingredients and accepts no substitutes."_

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"Well, on the plus side, you've never taken Shego out so quickly before," Ron noted with a shocked expression.

Kim looked away from the green woman, rendered helpless and nearly breathless by her continuing fits of hysterical giggles, put the long vibrating object that was so NOT a hairdryer/grappling-gun back into her holster, and vowed to never, ever, EVER pack for a mission in the dark again.

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"Yes, this restructuring has actually turned out to be much more profitable than being constantly humiliated by that idiot Stoppable and his redheaded strumpet," Lord Montgomery Fiske smiled as he opened the door to the room filled with his re-purposed Monkey Ninjas.

"So far, no works of Shakespeare, but they HAVE knocked out two new _Twilight_ novels, a full season of T_om Visits The Mayor_ and the script for the next _Wolverine_ film," He gloated, the impossibly loud sound of a thousand typewriters randomly typing transformed into sweet music to his hairy protruding ears.

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"Ha ha!" The giant glowing robot-beast gloated, swinging its enormous laser-saber as Kim swiveled around to find that she was trapped. "My energy dampening body is immune to your lipstick lasers and I've already cut the grappling hook off your precious hairdryer! Now you shall die!"

In response, Kim simply disengaged the now useless cable out of her hairdryer and stuck a ballpoint pen from her pocket into the resulting hole, pulling the trigger and firing the five for a dollar writing implement with deadly accuracy straight through the robot-monster's brain. "Sorry, but the hairdryer plus pen is still stronger than the laser plus the sword."

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"Okay, I know that look, Doc," Shego growled, "So just give me the good news and the bad news."

Dr. Clem Middia, 'Gynecologist to the Superpowered" sighed, snapping off his rubber gloves. "Well, the good news is that it's NOT a fungal infection... but the bad news is... it's broccoli."

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Bonnie looked up as Tara returned to the hostess stand after escorting the large ape like inter-dimensional entity to his table at the exclusive restaurant they now worked at. "That was the reservation for Yono?"

"Yes, though I have to say she looked a lot better back when she was married to John Lennon!" the blonde replied confidentially.

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"Heh heh heh heh!" Kim had never imagined that she'd sink to using Wade's technological skills for an act of revenge before, but that last nasty prank of Bonnie's had been the straw that had pushed her over the edge.

The currently invisible heat activated dye she'd just stenciled across the back of her arch-rival's shorts ought to become visible from 500 feet just about the time they went into their half-time routine, and Kim chortled evilly as she gave voice to what every kid who attended tonight's game would soon be reading on Bonnie's wide billboard of a behind: **_"Open 24 Hours, All Credit Cards Accepted."_**

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Wade checked off the items as he went down the list. "Okay, so that's yes to the improved hair dryer-grappling gun, the compact fingerprint kit and scanner, the knock-out gas hairspray and the explosive bubblegum…"

"And a big NO to the tampon pup tent, at least until you can fix the release mechanism," Kim confirmed, crab-walking slowly across her room to get another icepack.

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"No way! I've done a lot of weird and perverted things for money before, but that's just too weird and disgusting even for me!" Camille Leon screamed as she stormed out of the superhero's hotel room.

"Aw come on, can't you put yourself in my shoes and give a guy a chance?" Mego pleaded as the closest chance he would ever get to his perfect date threw his extra 'Mego' suit back at him and stomped off down the hallway in a huff.

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Officer Hobbie led the teen hero back into the holding area, a dark expression on his face. "That's right, Miss Possible, we caught the prisoner on a D.U.I. in a stolen Aston Martin DB9, and when we pulled it over, we found a Walther PPK in the glove compartment, and AK47 in the back seat and a search of the vehicle led to the discovery of twenty sticks of T.N.T. and a pound of C-4, as well as L.S.D., dmt, r-2's, mta-1 and a couple of canisters of NO2."

Kim looked in disbelief at the one person crime wave who'd kept Middleton terrorized for the last week and knew nothing she could say or do would make a difference at this point. "I'm sorry Monique, but this time you're really just S.O.L."

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Doctor Director looked back and forth at the queasy members of Team Possible. "I don't understand… stealing a baseball sized ruby isn't DNAmy's normal M.O., so why would she…?"

Kim's face was wan and almost as green as Shego's as she replied. "Tell me Doctor, have you ever heard the term _'Vajazzle_?"

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_AN: Most of these came from my own Two Liner challenge over on the Haven, but one came from my MORE than 13 uses for a Hair Dryer bit._ _**Ye Old Legal stuff:**__ Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Monique, Bonnie Rockwaller, Mr. Barkin, Big Mike, Officer Hobbie, DNAmy, Monkey Fist aka Lord Montgomery Fiske, Wade Load, Dr. Director, Yono, Tara, Camille Leon, Mego, the Monkey Ninjas and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Dr. Clem Middia is my own embarrassing creation. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…_


	4. Storage Issues & Wake Up Call

_**AN**__: Double your pleasure, double your fun, it's two OmKimbus updates rolled into one! (These two stories were a bit short, so you get a two-fer. Legal stuff for both at bottom!) _

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CHAPTER 4 - Part 1

**Storage Issues **

By SHADO Commander

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"What do you mean you don't have it?" Dr. Drakken demanded. "You disappeared for over a week, and when you finally get back, I learn that you were shacking up with little Miss all-That and her family and you've LOST what I sent you to get?"

"I told you," Shego fired back. "I got zapped by one of my old Team Go enemies and it made my personality reverse so that I was this odious and wrongsick creature named Ms. Go. I had to get un-zapped before I could come back, and during that time I destroyed the original and lost half of the back up."

Drakken stared at Shego, wondering when she had started using words like odious and wrongsick, then shoved those concerns aside as his blue bulldog of a brain went back to chewing at the meat of the problem. "Oh, well that's just terrific. Unfortunately, I can't tell our client that we don't have it…"

"Wait a minute," he suddenly snapped. "Did you say you lost HALF of it?"

"Yeah," Shego flushed. "Even as Ms. Go, I knew it was important not to lose, but I didn't want someone coming across it accidentally, so I split the information in half and put it in two places. I've got half of the formula in a safe place, but the other half… let's just say that getting it back is going to be really, REALLY difficult."

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"Damn," Kim Possible growled. What in the hell had she been thinking? It had been bad enough that she'd spent the last week basically mooning over Shego, but this latest reminder of how 'Ms. Go' had pushed buttons Kim hadn't known she'd had only made it worse. Sure, anything was possible for a Possible, but Kim didn't think her family motto included going out and getting blitzed at a bar on drinks Shego had snuck her, or that 'massage' exchange that probably would have evolved into a full-blown make out session if her parents hadn't come home unexpectedly.

But… as foolhardy as those may have been, at least those had been typical teenager mistakes to make with no permanent harm done. Now, however, as she remembered the feeling of lying naked on the bed beside Ms. Go, she could remember the buzzing sound and the sharp penetrating sensation she committed to something irrevocably dumb, something that would change the way she saw herself forever.

And the part that made her maddest? She didn't even UNDERSTAND the meaning of the weird tattoo that now graced her flushed pink left buttock. She'd run an image search on Google and found nothing even similar… but… when she looked at what was apparently the back half of a dragon, there were times she thought some of the scales looked oddly like _numbers…_

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CHAPTER 4 - Part 2

**Wake Up Call**

By SHADO Commander

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Brrring! Brrring!

Kim rolled over in bed and stared at the phone. What the hell? NO one ever called her on the phone these days, not since Wade had put Skype on her Kimmunicator. And further, unless her clock had stopped, it was 6:30 in the morning. NOBODY who knew her would call her at this hour just to chat. Which meant it was either a phone solicitation or someone in serious trouble.

"Screw it," she decided, heroic impulses winning out over a desperate need for sleep as she picked up the receiver. "What's the fucking sitch?"

"Oh, hey! Kimmie baby!" the voice on the other end oozed false familiarity. "Have I got a gig for you!"

"Sy?" Kim blinked in stunned amazement. "Sy Cophant?"

"That's right!" Kim's former agent agreed earnestly, since admitting his name was one of the few things he could do without lying. "You got my Christmas card, right?"

"No," Kim growled, "Unless you mean the one from 2007 that included the note_: Sorry babe, but Mark and Rob are splitsville, call if you find work._"

"Uh.. ah… yeah," The agent's oily voice slipped and fell. "That was a joke, babe, you know. But like I said, I gotta gig for ya."

"Right," Kim sighed. "Just like you got Christy that great gig showing her moneymakers in Mirrors 2? But what the hell, not to say I'm interested, but what are the details?"

"Well, you know Phineas and Ferb…?"

"You mean the show that took my show's budget at the Disney Channel?" Kim asked. "With those hideously deformed kids and the Rufus-rip off platypus? Who YOU started representing the same week you stopped returning my calls?"

"Er… yeah…" Sy's voice was hesitant. "But the thing is... they're um... kind of freezing to death in the Arctic Circle and..."

"Fuck you, fuck them and fuck the Disney Channel," Kim replied sweetly, dropping the receiver back on the hook. "Bye bye Sy."

"Who the hell was THAT?" Shego mumbled as the redhead nestled back into the warm space her body had vacated a minute earlier.

"Wrong number," Kim smiled and went back to sleep.

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_**LEGAL SCHTUFF:**__Kim Possible, Shego, Rufus and Dr. Drakken are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Disney own Phineus and Ferb too, but they were created by_ _Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh__. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc, and this story should be considered to take place during a timeframe in which all sexually active parties are over 18 years of age… _


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